This post is dedicated to anyone who may be going through a very tough time with their past or present relationships. May this article find its way to your heart and help you grow and understand the real meaning of  falling in love:

“When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go.

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

You’ll never love a person unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Don’t seek to find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love, because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall. You also cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past behind as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go.

We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, take time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don’t ever make the same mistake of riding the same horse that threw you off the first time.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love? Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom to be who they choose to be and where they choose to be.

For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know that they were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him/her the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love is a painful risk to take, but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness of humanity, and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.

There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt. Then I figured, that must be why it’s called “Falling in Love”.”

If there’s anything I learned in this life, it is to “take chances”. Before you say “no” to something, think of all the possibilities if you wholeheartedly say “yes”. Would you rather die not being able to live because you’re too afraid to get out of your comfort zone? Or would you be brave enough to take a chance for change; a new beginning to grow, flourish, and live life to the fullest?

I took a chance once, and that is the best decision I’ve ever made and the one true reason why I’m still alive today. But my second life wasn’t meant to be my last, so maybe it’s about time to take another chance again… perhaps a third shot at life this time.

“It’s hard for me to stop my heart, love never knows when the time is right. I don’t want to hurt anybody but can’t help loving you… it’s a matter of time and tide.” — Basia (Time & Tide)

Unhappiness with Love

Many couples are unhappy because they only stay together for the sake of their children, just as many couples break apart and suffer a lost love for the sake of their parents. Their relationships fail because they are doing it for other people, and they aren’t strong enough to stay together or break apart for their own.

When something fails, you end up disappointing everyone. You end up losing respect, not just for the other person, but for the people you love, and most importantly for yourself.

Broken Families and Marriages

Many of my friends belong to a broken family. In fact, I can count with one hand those who belong to a healthy one. Most commonly, one or both parents are either cheating on each other with or without the other person knowing. Some have second families while some ARE the second family. Some have parents who just aren’t happy being with each other anymore. The point is, something is always broken.

In the Philippines, couples do not divorce, and rarely even annul a marriage. In most cases, couples who do not want to be married to each other anymore  somehow still choose to stay together for the sake of their children, or for their reputation. They either do not want their children to suffer, or do not want other people to talk negatively about them.

Here in America, it is “generally” different. Divorce is prominent, and married couples crack at the first sign of an irreconcilable difference. They think – forget what people say, I will do what makes me happy. But what about the children? They will learn to cope eventually.

Holding On vs. Letting Go.

No matter how you look at it, holding on to a failing relationship or letting go of it both seem to be bad choices — because you’ll end up hurting someone either way — yourself, or your kids. Any choice you make still seem to be the wrong way of doing things. But is there really a right way when other people’s feelings are at stake?

The failure of a marriage almost always has something to do with how the marriage was brought together in the first place. Was it forced by the parents because the woman got pregnant or because the man had money? Was it young love and peer pressure from friends? These are just some reasons why marriages never last… because it was not meant to be in the first place.

But what about real marriages, out of real love? Not all of them last either. People change, and so does love. What do you do when there is no other woman or other man, no nagging parents, and no children to worry about? Just that fact that you are no longer making each other happy anymore, yet you still choose to stay… for the “vow”?

This is a question for each person’s morale, and there is no right or wrong answers — just what makes you happy. Sometimes, you will end up hurting people by following your heart.

One Word

I know I have never been married, divorced, separated, nor do I have any children, but I have people close to my heart that have. For people going through a divorce and have children, I have only one word for you — RESPECT. Respect for yourself, for your ex-husband or ex-wife, and for your children. This is the only way everything can work out for the best, and for society and the people around you to give your broken family some due respect.

Respect Yourself

Regardless of the reason for your divorce or separation, whether you are the culprit or the victim, you need to keep the respect that you have for yourself. Do not blame yourself for your failed marriage. A marriage is a bond that took two people to bind together, therefore, it also takes two people to break it apart. People make mistakes. You might ask, would it still be considered a mistake if whatever I did to hurt my husband or wife was making me happy? Yes, because you chose to do it the wrong way, therefore it was a mistake. But the beauty of it is, as long as you’re alive, there is still time to make things right. Never give up when you still have something to give. because it is never too late to make things right, and nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. When all is said and done, do not put yourself down for being a bad husband or a bad wife. By the time the marriage has been broken because of what you have done, everybody knows that already. Instead, focus picking yourself up for being a good father or a mother to your kids. Never lose respect or think for a moment that you don’t deserve a family. A family was given to you, so unless you willingly give it all up, there is no reason that you do not deserve to keep it.

Respect Your Better (or worse!) Half

Just because you have been done wrong does not mean you do not have to keep doing right. You can make a person realize their mistakes but still treat them with respect. Remember that when you’re angry, you have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel. Do not bad mouth each other to your kids, friends, family, or to your new partners. Before you say something bad about the other person, remember that the one you are putting down is someone who have been, and will always be a part of your life no matter what. Do not wait until the time comes that you might regret it. People who’s been there with you already know you’ve been done wrong. Instead, make those around you realize that you have learned to forgive, and that you are happy you did. It is quite unfair for one to make a mistake of hurting just one person, and then having the rest of  the whole world hating back at them. Respect each others personal lives and space. Just because you are the victim and your now ex-partner now has a new life does not mean you have the right to ruin it or even pry on it.

Respect Your Children

Respect that you still have children together and try to be a family to them when they’re around. Do not take that away from them by being aloof to each other. After all, if you’ve both moved on, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be okay sharing the same home on a weekend trip together, for old times sake. Do not shut each other off completely because your new partner does not want you to interact with your old family. Part of being with someone who knows you have previously been married and have children is for them to understand that there will always be another family that he or she will have to share with you. Welcome each other to your homes, plan some quality time together with the kids. Remember, you only lost your marriage, don’t be unfair to your kids by making them lose a family. Respect the fact that even if your kids can’t have a healthy family, they still deserve a family.

Acceptance

In most cases,  because the marriage is no longer working out, people find or have already found someone new, and something that works. It’s natural. So instead of hating the idea, learn to accept and respect it. Just learn to accept that things between you and your ex-husband or ex-wife are just not meant to be, and that it’s not anyone’s fault, so no need to play the blame game. There is no reason for you not to remain  as friends after you’ve moved on and found someone new. Learn that even though you don’t share the kind of love two people share in a marriage anymore, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the respect that two human beings should have for each other. That’s the only way that you can both be happy with your new lives.

Set Your Heart Free

When something fails, you end up disappointing everyone. You end up losing respect, not just for the other person, but for the people you love, and most importantly for yourself. Ultimately, believe that everything happened for a reason. Where you are now is either where you chose to be, or what was chosen for you by the big guy for a damn good reason. Don’t lead a miserable life and only stay together for the sake of your children. It is just as unfair to them as it is to you. On the other hand, do not let go of the only person you spent your whole life searching for, just to make your parents or anybody else happy but you. Fight for it. It will not be them suffering by losing something, but you. Don’t wait for your relationship to fail because you’ve dedicated being on it for the sake of other people. Be strong enough to stay together or break apart for nothing but your own happiness. And for those that have let go and moved on, be happy for each other and set each other free.

Everyone Deserves a Chance to Love and be Happy

Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The fastest way to receive love is to give. The fastest way to lose love is to hold on it too tightly. But the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don’t worry about hurting people by choosing to be happy, because everybody will get a chance to be happy on their own… it’s just a matter of time and tide.

And when the person you end up hurting finally found their happiness, let it be.